there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
