Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
