why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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