if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
