addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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