You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
