dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
