clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
