Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She tied me up with her honor cords...
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
