we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
