Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
