my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
