talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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