She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
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threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
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Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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