he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
