During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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