I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
