Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
love makes seman taste better
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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