He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
