just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
