Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
