I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
