Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
