Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
