I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just want to make out with him forever
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
