You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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