Porn is love you can see.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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