Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
ttyl tear gas
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
