Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
