1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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