youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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