dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
