She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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