You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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