She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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