he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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