I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
