i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
