the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
