i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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