Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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