How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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