Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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