Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
