He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
