So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
