put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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