I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Randomize
