I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Send help, water and tortillas.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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