When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
