I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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