2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
