i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
