i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
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I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize