What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
