jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
