How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I could fuck to npr.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
