from now on my penis is your penis
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
