she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize