I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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