DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
