I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
