He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
