There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
