I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
