miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
