She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Ladies don't puke and tell
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
