you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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