I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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