spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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